Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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