if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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