She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
