It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
