I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
