the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
