Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
