u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
