Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We smell like vodka and hangover
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
