I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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