I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
