Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
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