That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The ass gains better be worth it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize