You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
