I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
