She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
