Your dad touched me again.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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