New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
