i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Congratulations! We have a period
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