Kiss
Puke
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
