Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
