If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
