Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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