Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
