I need help removing her.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
