no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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