I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
