eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
