so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
