How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
