I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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