No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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