peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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