i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
