Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.