So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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