I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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