White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
