my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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