how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So vagazzling was a success
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
