If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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