Screwed.edu
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
