I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
