i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
