Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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