Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
