you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
