the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
