you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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