she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
