In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
