if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize