Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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