Midget sex pt 2 tonight
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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