Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
