Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize