There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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