whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
