Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
