question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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