So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
