i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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