nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
