I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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