Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
