he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
