I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
