Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
