Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
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My dad just said "fuck circus"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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