"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
