this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
